im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
