I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My hand turned me down
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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