If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize