Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
