Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
