I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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