Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
