you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize