i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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