I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Randomize
