I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
