Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
