I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
