Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
