Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
