if you like me you must not know who I am
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Let's get the cat blown out
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize