a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
