I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
is wine microwaveable?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
