I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
