what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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