He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize