Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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