I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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