if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
