someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
