Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
