nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
