U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
