i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize