We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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