Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
