I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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