You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
