Someone shit on the floor
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize