Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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