I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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