I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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