the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
