I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
