Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
