Will you blow on my dice?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Just puked most of my soul out..
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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