barbara walters just said penis...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
