One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
