I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
