i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
