jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize