i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
