dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
