3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
