My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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