Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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