You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
