I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
