Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
