Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
