That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
