i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
