when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
