It's Friday. Sex?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
