how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
