I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
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