fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
