so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
