Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
