Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm gonna have a badass scar
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
