He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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