Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
