do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
