How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
