hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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