Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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