she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
