so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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