new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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