I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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