i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
