fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
