He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
