some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
