ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
