and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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