I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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