why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
