as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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