Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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