smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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