You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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