it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
