If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize