the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm passing your future prison.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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