you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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