his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You're a waste of cheezeits
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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