So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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