i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
