dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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