Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
