I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
