my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
