I accidentally had phone sex last night
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
