those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
