why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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